Monday, December 21, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Will you get the new vaccine????
Friday, November 20, 2009
The H1N1 flu vaccine has been rolling out more slowly than many public health officials had hoped. But a recent Fox News poll suggests that even when the vaccine becomes more widely available, concern over its safety may prevent many at-risk Americans from getting vaccinated.
Nearly equal numbers are more afraid of the side effects from the swine flu vaccine as are afraid of getting the flu itself (35 percent vaccine compared to 37 percent flu). Americans under age 35, who are more likely to catch and suffer from the effects of the swine flu, are more worried about the vaccine side effects compared to older adults (43-32 percent).
Many Americans also feel the testing of the swine flu vaccine was done too quickly so its safety is uncertain (40 percent). Only slightly more, 45 percent, feel the testing was done as quickly as possible while still making sure the vaccine is safe. People with children are more likely to say the testing was done too quickly than those without (43-38 percent).
The poll was conducted for Fox News by Opinion Dynamics Corp. from November 17 to November 18, 2009 among 900 registered voters and has a 3 percentage point margin of error.
Despite vaccine shortages and public concern over its safety, more Americans approve of the federal government's handling of the swine flu outbreak than disapprove (50-37 percent).The poll shows that while two out of three Americans are concerned about the spread of the swine flu (65 percent) somewhat less than one-third are "very" concerned (28 percent). Uncertainty about the safety of the vaccine combined with this measured concern about the virus itself could translate into lower vaccination rates than public health officials would like.
This may be explained by the relatively few Americans who blame the Obama administration for the vaccine shortages (13 percent). More blame the companies who make the vaccine (55 percent). This is true of Democrats, Republicans and independents alike.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
One of life’s hardest lessons to learn is that you can only change yourself.
Some people spend inordinate amounts of time and energy upset, angry, or frustrated by other people’s thoughts and behaviors.
But to what end? You can rail against the rain or feel sanguine about the snow, but there’s not a whole lot you can do about it. Why should we, by default, believe we can change another person’s — an independent, thinking self just like us — behaviors and thoughts with just a few choice words? If you think about it for a minute, it sounds kind of ridiculous.
Yet we don’t think about it when we have an emotional reaction to someone else’s behavior or words. We say things like, “How could they say such a thing!” or “How can anyone be so rude!?” or “Don’t they know how much they hurt me? Why do they do that?!”
We often react in this way because our emotions are a part of most people’s innate decision-making skills. We react and respond emotionally to emotional needs of our own, rather than in a logical, rational manner. So when someone touches one of these emotional needs, we can respond in a way that may not make a whole lot of sense to an outside observer.
What you can do, just once, is to make a polite request for another to stop the behavior that you find frustrating, annoying or disturbing. But that’s it, just once (or maybe twice, if you feel the person really didn’t hear or understand the initial request). After that, you just become a nag and will be ignored. Repeating something over and over again doesn’t suddenly make people more aware of themselves, it just makes them aware of how annoying youcan be.
There’s no magic to stopping trying to change other people’s behavior. Catch your thoughts (by writing them down in a journal or blog, for instance) when you find yourself saying something like, “I wish she wouldn’t do..” or “I can’t believe he thinks that…” — things like that. Making a note of it, mental or otherwise, allows you to pause your automatic thinking before you jump to the next step in your response (which is usually to say something to the person).
If you’ve already said something, now’s the time to stop and go no further. Unless you’re the other person’s parent, they’ve probably already heard it and may have even tried stopping the behavior. Hearing it again isn’t going to suddenly change their behavior.
People can spend weeks, months and in some cases years in psychotherapy working on changing their thoughts or behaviors. That’s because such change often takes that long to understand, practice, and then implement. Behaviors most important to others are also likely behaviors that are important to ourselves and not readily changed, even if we wanted to. They sometimes are integrated part of another’s personality or way of thinking about and looking at the entire world.
So save yourself some frustration today and try to learn to stop trying to change others. Focus instead on changing your own faults and you may find yourself living a happier and more peaceful life.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Let's think of love not as a word but an action. Instead of saying "I love you." Show your wife that you love her. Be more loving! How can a man show his woman he loves her? By doing!
Forget about the box of chocolates and flowers. Any man can go buy these things. But any man cannot show love to his wife on a whim. The chocolates get eaten and make your wife fat and cranky; the flowers wither and die in three days. What about showing your love by doing things that you know your wife will enjoy?
~How Should A Husband Love His Wife~
When was the last time you wined and dined your wife? What about a mini-vacation? Are you the romantic type? If not find out how you can amaze your wife by being a romantic guy. What would that involve?
A woman likes a man who can cook. How about cooking her an intimate candlelit dinner for two? Don't know how to cook? Get a cookbook and do it anyway. Have some fun in the kitchen and enjoy yourself.
Don't forget, you wife likes to be touched and hugged without the pressure of sex looming in the near future. Sometimes the hugging and coddling is more important to her than the actual sex act. Not that she doesn't like to orgasm but that she wants to KNOW that you love her more than the sex act itself. Hug her and cuddle her and you'll most likely get what you want later.
The most important way to show your love is through your acceptance and validation. Are you the kind of guy that discounts his wife's choices, desires, and needs through invalidation? This kind of behavior will cause all kinds of trouble in the marriage. Let me tell you why.
By invalidating your wife in whatever manner, you have essentially rejected her. She will feel as if her opinions, decisions, and beliefs don't count and shouldn't be regarded with importance. She will hold this within her consciousness and it will come back to haunt you later on in the marriage. This won't be on purpose but mostly because you have hurt her. She loves you and when you invalidate her feelings, thoughts, actions, beliefs, views, and opinions, she gets hurt!
Let me tell you a big secret about woman, which also includes your wife. Your wife may ask you for your opinion on something because it is in her nature to get a second opinion but that does not necessarily mean that she will go with your opinion or your opposing viewpoint.
I'm not talking about the submission thing here either. What I'm talking about is just everyday thoughts and actions of your wife. If for some reason you really feel that it is best that you disagree with her thoughts and feelings, do so AFTER you have said something positive about the way she thinks and feels. Be understanding! If you actually validate her she will see it your way on her own, even if she won't admit it.
Your wife may also like to vent her feelings more then you, not because she needs for you to find a solution so much as just being a sounding board. Give her validation in what she has to say, and then ask her if she is looking for an opinion and or solution first before giving her one. This doesn't make much sense to you, but to us women it makes a lot of sense.
~How A Wife Should Love Her Husband~
It is my firm belief that it is easier to make a man happy than for a man to make a woman happy. I believe this because men really don't ask for much. If they can camp out on the hard ground with the ants and other bugs how hard can they be to please? Yes, I know this sounds superficial but think about this for a moment. Have you noticed how much happier, and less stressed out your man is when he has his two most important needs met, sex and food?
It is also semi-true that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. They love to eat and they love to eat good tasty meals. When their stomachs are full, and they have been taken care of physically, a man doesn't ask for much else.
Don't forget, the home is a man's castle. Knowing this, make every effort to keep his castle tidy and free of stressful situations that could upset his equilibrium. He has worked all day long and wants to come home to a loving and sweet wife, not a grouch and a TV dinner
Be appreciative of every little thing your man does around the house. Make your man feel like a man by being a woman. Give him a hug and a kiss where it counts, talk about your day together. Don't reject your husband sexually. Make him feel good about himself by telling him so. Respect him for who he is and what he does!
Basically, a woman needs to be validated and intimacy, and a man needs sex and good food. Find ways in which you can give of your self in the marriage by being more loving in these areas.
And men, after you have shown your wife how much you love her, then you can buy her the chocolates and flowers.
Angie Lewis has written five books on how to have a happy marriage. In her books she offers marriage tips, tools, techniques, and wisdom filled answers for you to apply in your marriage. From issues such as adultery, addiction, pornography, emotions, beliefs, forgiveness, communication and submission - it's all here!
Angie's latest book ADULTERY PANDEMIC is about the prevalence of infidelity among the Christian community and what you can do to protect yourself and marriage. If you or your spouse have been unfaithful, this book will give you the spiritual insight and wisdom to overcome this devastating battle to heal yourself and restore your marriage.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
The wording of the following questions offer insight into some ways children are affected by growing up in a alcoholic home.
1. Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?
- It may be because you don't really know what "normal" is -- you have to try to figure it out from the actions and reactions of others.
- What seems routine to you might be considered "overachieving" by everybody around you.
- In childhood "criticism" often was accompanied by some form of abuse, verbal or otherwise.
- Just carrying a normal work load was never good enough. You had to do more to avoid the wrath of the alcoholic.
- Without knowing it, you probably developed a pattern in childhood of approaching everything "alcoholically."
- One little slip up and the alcoholic might explode into anger. That deep-seeded fear can carry over into adulthood.
- The alcoholic always sabotaged the "good times" like holidays, birthdays, vacations, etc. Things never turned out the was the were planned.
- People can become addicted to excitement. They find "normal" people and situations boring.
- There's always that nagging feeling that you were somehow responsible for the alcoholic's drinking. Maybe if you had done something differently...
- You are comfortable in the "caretaker" role, but extremely uncomfortable doing things for yourself, like spending money on something just for you.
- If they get too close, they may find out your "secrets."
- The authority figures in your childhood were probably abusive. You expect the same from all authority figures. When the alcoholic became angry, it usually meant something extreme was about to happen.
- You grew up with someone who was an expert at controlling and manipulating everyone around them. Trust is not something that comes naturally.
- Possibly the only "love" that you saw demonstrated in childhood was the love the alcoholic had for the bottle.
- You may be attracted to people who "need" you or people you know that you can "fix."
- Again, normal people bore you and you don't understand them. You are more comfortable around people who you can relate to and won't judge you.
- It may be from your deep-seeded fear of abandonment. One way or the other, your alcoholic parent emotionally or physically abandoned you for the bottle.
- How many times have you heard, "I'm sorry. It won't happen again." But it did.
- You were told that it was not okay to cry. You were never allowed to be angry and if you were you faced serious consequences or ridicule.
- Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic. But it would be extremely difficult to grow up around excessive drinking and not be somehow effected.
- If you answered yes to some of these questions, chances are you have been affected more than you may realize by the family disease of alcoholism. If so, you may want to learn more about the disease and the help that is available for you and your loved ones.
Children of Alcoholics - Are They Different?Alcohol Alert From NIAA
An estimated 6.6 million children under the age of 18 years live in households with at least one alcoholic parent. Current research findings suggest that these children are at risk for a range of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral problems. In addition, genetic studies indicate that alcoholism tends to run in families and that a genetic vulnerability for alcoholism exists.Yet, some investigators also report that many children from alcoholic homes develop neither psychopathology nor alcoholism. This Alcohol Alert focuses on three major research questions concerning children of alcoholics (COAs): 1 ) What contributes to resilience in some COAs; 2) Do COAs differ from children of non alcoholic (nonCOAs); and 3) Are the differences specifically related to parental alcoholism, or are they similar to characteristics observed in children whose parents have other illnesses?
Before summarizing the research findings on these questions, it should be said that many studies of COAs have been plagued by methodological issues. For example, the composition of the sample chosen for a study can affect the study results significantly. Yet, many COA studies use a biased sample selection of children in treatment or in trouble. In addition, studies often are conducted without the benefit of matched control groups.
The absence of control groups makes it difficult to generalize results from treatment samples to nontreatment populations. Children of various ages and developmental stages frequently are grouped in one sample, and the developmental differences within the group are ignored. Another problem is that because few longitudinal studies have been performed, it is difficult to know whether the observed problems are impairments or are developmental delays.
Serious Coping ProblemsIn addition, the effect of such factors as marital conflict and the severity of parental drinking on the development of problems should be considered. All of these limitations can affect the outcome of the study. The studies cited below are not free of these methodological problems, but they are the best that we have.
While research findings suggest that some children suffer negative consequences due to parental alcoholism, a larger proportion of COAs function well and do not develop serious problems. In a longitudinal study of COAs born on the island of Kauai, Werner reported that, although 41 percent of the children developed serious coping problems by 18 years of age, 59 percent did not develop problems.
These resilient children shared several characteristics that contributed to their success, including the ability to obtain positive attention from other people, adequate communication skills, average intelligence, a caring attitude, a desire to achieve, and a belief in self-help.
Studies comparing COAs and nonCOAs have suggested that, although the two groups differ in a variety of psychosocial areas, differences in cognitive performance are observed most frequently. Cognitive function in COAs has been examined by many researchers because it is an important element needed for adaptation at all stages of development; it can be measured uniformly across developmental stages; and it often is associated with the symptoms of alcoholism.
Lower IQ, Verbal ScoresErvin and her colleagues found that Full IQ, performance (a measure of abstract and conceptual reasoning), and verbal scores were lower among a sample of children raised by alcoholic fathers than among children raised by nonalcoholic fathers. Gabrielli and Mednick reported similar results for verbal and Full IQ tests, but not for performance tests.
In a study comparing COAs and nonCOAs whose families were educated and whose parents lived in the home, Bennett and colleagues found that children from alcoholic families had lower IQ, arithmetic, reading, and verbal scores. Despite the lower scores, however, COAs performed within normal ranges for intelligence tests in each of these studies.
It is important to note that cognitive competence can vary with the instrument used to measure performance as well as with the individual who is evaluating function. Johnson and Rolf compared the academic abilities and cognitive function of COAs and nonCOAs from nondisadvantaged backgrounds and found no differences between the groups. The investigators noted, however, that the children with alcoholic parents underestimated their own competence. In addition, the mothers of COAs underrated their children's abilities. The mothers' and children's perceptions of abilities may affect the children's motivation, self-esteem, and future performance.
School-aged children of alcoholic parents often have academic problems. Academic performance may be a better measure than IQ of the effect of living with an alcoholic parent. School records indicate that COAs experience such academic difficulties as repeating grades, failing to graduate from high school, and requiring referrals to school psychologists. Although cognitive deficits in COAs may account, in part, for their poor academic performance, motivational difficulties or the stress of the home environment also may contribute to their problems in school.
Higher Depression, Anxiety
Studies comparing COAs with nonCOAs also have found that parental alcoholism is linked to a number of psychological disorders in children. Divorce, parental anxiety or affective disorders, or undesirable changes in the family or in life situations can add to the negative effect of parental alcoholism on children's emotional functioning.
The results of several studies have shown that children from alcoholic families report higher levels of depression and anxiety and exhibit more symptoms of generalized stress (i.e., low self-esteem) than do children from nonalcoholic families. In addition, COAs often express a feeling of lack of control over their environment. A recent study by Rolf and colleagues noted that COAs show more depressive affect than nonCOAs and that their self-reports of depression are measured more frequently on the extreme end of the scale.
Moos and Billings found that the emotional stress of parental drinking on children lessens when parents stop drinking. These investigators assessed emotional problems in children from families of relapsed alcoholics, children from families with a recovering parent, and children from families with no alcohol problem. Although the children of relapsed alcoholics reported higher levels of anxiety and depression than children from the homes with no alcohol problem, emotional functioning was similar among the children of recovering and normal parents.
Finally, children from homes with alcoholic parents often demonstrate behavioral problems. Study findings suggest that these children exhibit such problems as lying, stealing, fighting, truancy, and school behavior problems, and they often are diagnosed as having conduct disorders. Teachers have rated COAs as significantly more overactive and impulsive than nonCOAs.
Greater Delinquency, TruancyCOAs also appear to be at greater risk for delinquency and school truancy. Several investigators have reported an association between the incidence of diagnosed conduct disorders and parental alcohol abuse. However, other problems associated with alcoholism (e.g., depression among the alcoholic parents and divorce) also may contribute to conduct problems and disorders among COAs.
The alcoholic family's home environment and the manner in which family members interact may contribute to the risk for the problems observed among COAs. Although alcoholic families are a heterogeneous group, group common characteristics have been identified. Families of alcoholics have lower levels of family cohesion, expressiveness, independence, and intellectual orientation and higher levels of conflict compared with nonalcoholic families. Some characteristics, however, are not specific to alcoholic families:
Impaired problem-solving ability and hostile communication are observed both in alcoholic families and in families with problems other than alcohol. Moreover, the characteristics of families with recovering alcoholic members and of families with no alcoholic members do not differ significantly, suggesting that a parent's continued drinking may be responsible for the disruption of family life in an alcoholic home.
The family environment also may affect transmission of alcoholism to COAs. Children with alcoholic parents are less likely to become alcoholics as adults when their parents consistently set and follow through on plans and maintain such rituals as holidays and regular mealtimes.
Interestingly, the problems of COAs may not be specific to this population. In a review of research on children whose mothers were schizophrenic, Garmezy reported that, like COAs, these children had cognitive deficits. In particular, they had a limited ability to maintain attention and to perceive relevant stimuli. Children at high risk for schizophrenia revealed a more negative self-image.
The family environment also may influence the risk for schizophrenia; children of schizophrenic parents--whose home environment is turbulent--have an increased risk for developing schizophrenia.
Research on COAs is still in its infancy. Many studies suggest that a variety of differences exist between children of alcoholics and children of nonalcoholics and these differences occur at all ages.
However, because of the limitations of the methodology and the inadequate number of comprehensive studies, research findings cannot be generalized to all children who grow up with alcoholic parents.